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→Well I was going to rate this, but...
::::Understatement of the century. Pardon me, I'm finally at Volume 8: Chapter 11: Verse 7, Novel Two. So far I have gleaned "yo this spell holds you in place". I'm sure all these extra words add something else other than that. -- [[User:Eiji-kun|Eiji-kun]] ([[User talk:Eiji-kun|talk]]) 07:00, 2 December 2015 (UTC)
(RESET INDENT) Alright, real talk for a second. I finally did read it, and I'm gonna cut it down.
*Change effect to "Cylinder (50-ft radius, 10-ft high)". Much of that is stuff for later, and things are measured in 5 ft blocks, hence 10 ft.
*Change duration to a set duration, this multiple duration nonsense is overly granular. It's a 5th level spell, minutes or 10 minutes is fine, hours is a bit much, and the less there is said about years the better. If you want it that long duration, that's what permanency is for.
*I'll recommend changing the save to either Reflex or Will, or even "see text", but the key point here is that you'll only get one save.
Here's my changes.
''A ring of light appears whose border is impassable by creatures, though you may exclude any number of creatures from this effect. Creatures which do not fit entirely within the cylinder on creation are also unaffected. Passage through the wall is impossible unless a creature succeeds on a (Reflex? Will?) save.''
''Objects can pass through the barrier, but not creatures. If a creature is forced up against the barrier (such as being between the collapsing barrier and a wall) it takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage per caster level (maximum 40d6) with a [[Reflex]] save for half damage, and the creature is forced through the barrier.''
''Each round, the cylinder contracts by 10 ft. When the cylinder collapses to 0 ft, any creatures in its effect are immobilized and left helpless. These creatures remain bound for (DURATION). Bound creatures may attempt to escape once a round by making a Strength check equal to the spell DC, or an Escape Artist check of 15 + the spell's caster level. Disintegrate also removes the binding effect.''
(If you want to keep the alignment component...)
''Evil creatures take a -2 penalty to the saving throw to this spell, while good creatures cannot be harmed by this spell.''''
I tossed out the antimagic field thing, since the only reason it's there is because you compared it to wall of force. I don't do that, so no need for disclaimers. I tossed out the high jump thing. Just make it a cylinder, it's easier. I changed your Strength check, because 30 + caster level is impossible, even for barbarians. I tossed out the ring of light increasing in height, metamagic can handle that and I find it being effectively Large and smaller creatures only to be a good and important nerf, intentional or not. I tossed out the time stop thing, that was utter bollocks. I can go into more detail if you need, but I assure you.... big sweaty bollocks slapping in your face. Just pounding it. Just pounding it. Pounding away.
With that, it should be a lot shorter. -- [[User:Eiji-kun|Eiji-kun]] ([[User talk:Eiji-kun|talk]]) 07:30, 2 December 2015 (UTC)
