User talk:Omni Genesis/Apprentice of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu (3.5e Class)

Critiquezor

Okay first of all, you do need to be applauded for this if only in its attempt to create a class entirely based on Kenshin from one of my favorite mangas of all time. This is essentially a more canon version of the Tenken, but still, nice try.

However, this potential is cut short by several things. First, you need to format this text into the standard base class format. I'm not sure why this wasn't mentioned within hours of the class being uploaded. This won't take that long, but it will improve the readability, and thus usability, of this class.

Secondly, the grammar needs work. Lots of work. Many of the effects of the class abilities are only made clear AFTER the example is read. You should work on describing the effect concisely enough that it does not need the clarifying examples, or, at the very least, the text should be well enough on its own without the examples. They should be there for clarity, not as necessity. Also, these abilities are confusing (largely due to the grammar and style errors). I still have no idea what exactly Shinsoku does...which is especially bad because many of the abilities build off it!

Finally, some of the abilities seem underpowered (Uncanny dodge, evasion, improved uncanny dodge, etc.), while others are simply...pointless (Especially Balance training...I understand that the capstone ability uses attribute balance to add a lot of extra damage, but if you want such an emphasis, other abilities should be increased by attribute balance as well. However, most of the abilities are too powerful. Or, they sound powerful. I may have read them wrong, since the grammar is weird...Also, there seem to be waaaayyyy too many abilities for one class, which may propel the Apprentice past wizard level. I'll run an SGT when the grammar is improved, and it conforms to the base class template.

Now, if you want help with some of this stuff (primarily template-ization and clearing up what abilities do), I'd be happy to; as I said, Rurouni Kenshi is one of my favourite mangas ever. (And as a final note, why isn't Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki the capstone? I mean, sure, it'd be really hard to translate it into game terms, but you managed to make the other abilities DnD-like...) So yeah, that's all I have to say about this class. --Azya 03:07, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry for the bad grammar. Could you send be the link for the base class preload again... I've seemed to have lost it. The Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki attack is actually learned in the prestige class of Sejiro Hiko I was also developing. Omni Genesis 17:51, 19 April 2011 (UTC)

Ok I found the preload on the site but the next part is really confusing the heck out of me. I know I'll be copy pasting the Anchor for Ex alot but where do I put them on the chart? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Omni Genesis (talk • contribs) at

Man, you are having a tough time. No worries though. We were all new to this formatting stuff once. So, there are some basics to keep in mind. Let me link to the preload and instructions for fun reference: 3.5e Class Preload and 3.5e Class Instructions. The instructions are really basic, but should help you out with what you'll need to do. So, I recommend open the preload page and hit "Edit", copying the preload from that edit page to a text file (of your word processing program of choice) you can work on offline. Copy your information into the preload as you go. If you want to check out how it will look, you can always copy and paste it into a wiki page and hit "Preview" to see how it looks. Working on it offline has the added advantage of spelling and grammar checking functions.

Also, more basics: Things surrounded by double brackets are templates, meaning that the wiki recognizes those things as bits of information you can plug into other articles, like the {{Ex}} template (which becomes: (Ex)). Some of these templates have parameters that you can enter, generally noted by either a pipe or some parameter name and an equals sign. Wiki links are pretty easy too, once you understand them. They're just double basic brackets around page names (with proper capitalization and all that). If you want to link to a header or an anchor within a page, you add a # with the name of the header afterwards within the brackets. If you want to link to show up as something other than the page name, add a pipe and your text, such as [[SRD:Weapons#Weapon Descriptions|a bunch of weapons]] becomes a bunch of weapons.

Tables can be especially tricky for new folks. Note that all tables start out with a { (start bracket) and a | (pipe), then close with a | and a }. Cells in tables are divided by double pipes. Rows are often a pipe and a dash, occasionally with some other fancy code information or whatnot. Typically, don't worry about that stuff. If your table stops working, open up and hit "Edit" on a pre-existing class someone else wrote and see how their stuff looks, paying careful attention. Now, if you totally can't fix it, ask for help. I hope this little bit helps you get started. Also, don't forget to sign your posts with four tildes. --Ganteka Future 21:55, 19 April 2011 (UTC)

Finally!

Ok so except for the very final part of making an encounter that pretty much sums up the class. If anything is confusing still please ask me what it is and I'll try to type it out where it makes more sense. I hope you all enjoy it!

Is this class meant to be so narrowly defined as to be the apprentice of one person I've not heard of? And is this person stated out anywhere? And from the lore section, is there really only supposed to one and only one of these in the game? --Havvy 15:40, 5 September 2011 (UTC)

It's based off of the Rurouni Kenshin anime series. The Hiten Mitsurugi is a style of swordsmanship, not an individual person. But now that you mention it, the style's tradition is kind of like the Sith: there's only two of them at one one time (one master and one apprentice) and the final step in training is for one to kill the other. I don't think that has any particular bearing on this class, though.

What I wonder is why this is a base class. With a tenken base (which is pretty much what it already has, it's a very solid prestige class. That also prevents having to stretch only a few abilities across a shitton of levels; only a 5 or so level PrC would be quite win and would look much more original instead of just a tenken with some abilities tacked on. - TG Cid 20:01, 5 September 2011 (UTC)

The tenken you created (at least by "Ruroni Kenshin" series) is not something that is learnable. It is a form of special innate ability for a rare amount of individuals. It would be more akin to a racial class then a character class but could be applied to any race the DM allowed. The Hiten Mitsurugi is a learned class and has several differences between the way they work. The Tenken is faster but the user of Hiten Mitsurugi has more manuvers. I wanted to make something similar but still could go to against it incase someone wanted to make the Kenshin vs Soujiro fight. - Omni Genesis 13:13, 7 September 2011 (UTC)

The fact that the particular style is pretty much only learnable by someone with the requisite physical and technical skill attests even more to it being a prestige class. Another much more potentially reasonable option would be to make Hiten Mitsurugi a martial maneuver discipline, but in this particular case gestalting it with the tenken just seems kind of in poor taste. - TG Cid 17:05, 7 September 2011 (UTC)

I had thought about the steps to make it a martial manuver discipline but I wanted it to be more focused and less open ended like those fantastic abilites are. I also agree (with shudder) that a combined Tenken with the abilites of the Hiten Mitsurugi would be a very scary individual. In a minor side note how would you figure BAB for a prestige that is only allowed on epic level on this site? Need that for my Seijuro Hiko. - Omni Genesis 17:16, 7 September 2011 (UTC)