User talk:Omni Genesis/Apprentice of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu (3.5e Class)

Critiquezor

Okay first of all, you do need to be applauded for this if only in its attempt to create a class entirely based on Kenshin from one of my favorite mangas of all time. This is essentially a more canon version of the Tenken, but still, nice try.

However, this potential is cut short by several things. First, you need to format this text into the standard base class format. I'm not sure why this wasn't mentioned within hours of the class being uploaded. This won't take that long, but it will improve the readability, and thus usability, of this class.

Secondly, the grammar needs work. Lots of work. Many of the effects of the class abilities are only made clear AFTER the example is read. You should work on describing the effect concisely enough that it does not need the clarifying examples, or, at the very least, the text should be well enough on its own without the examples. They should be there for clarity, not as necessity. Also, these abilities are confusing (largely due to the grammar and style errors). I still have no idea what exactly Shinsoku does...which is especially bad because many of the abilities build off it!

Finally, some of the abilities seem underpowered (Uncanny dodge, evasion, improved uncanny dodge, etc.), while others are simply...pointless (Especially Balance training...I understand that the capstone ability uses attribute balance to add a lot of extra damage, but if you want such an emphasis, other abilities should be increased by attribute balance as well. However, most of the abilities are too powerful. Or, they sound powerful. I may have read them wrong, since the grammar is weird...Also, there seem to be waaaayyyy too many abilities for one class, which may propel the Apprentice past wizard level. I'll run an SGT when the grammar is improved, and it conforms to the base class template.

Now, if you want help with some of this stuff (primarily template-ization and clearing up what abilities do), I'd be happy to; as I said, Rurouni Kenshi is one of my favourite mangas ever. (And as a final note, why isn't Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki the capstone? I mean, sure, it'd be really hard to translate it into game terms, but you managed to make the other abilities DnD-like...) So yeah, that's all I have to say about this class. --Azya 03:07, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

–––I'm sorry for the bad grammar. Could you send be the link for the base class preload again... I've seemed to have lost it. The Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki attack is actually learned in the prestige class of Sejiro Hiko I was also developing. Omni Genesis 17:51, 19 April 2011 (UTC)